Woop-Woop Adventure!

Why it has to be happen??? Why??? I really love him but hes mean 😭😭😭😭😭 I cant hold it anymore. Oh God, ive been crying for a day. And i dont knw when it will be end 😢😢😢😢 hes so mean to me! I wish i dont love him this much. And im sitting at the park, crying over him. Ita cold outside none to hold. I miss him. I miss him so much 😢😢😢😢😢 but it just sad imagine him with someone now. Hold me the way he used to hold me, the way he talked to me, the way he kissed me and cuddled me everynighy. I dont want it 😭😭😭😭😢😢 i atill want to call him mine! He is mine! 😢😢😂 but hea gone. And he doesnt knw how it hurts me. He probably move on and maybe he will go out with another girl. I cant do it anymore. 

I thought that im getting better after 4 days. But itsnt. Im getting worse. I dont knw, since last night i just feel so weak. Even this morning, i woke up and i cried. I went to the gym, but i cant help it and cried. All his words and all the memories just flash back in my mind, about how he treated me and how he used to say all thosw sweet words. It hurts alot. I think to get some ciggy to let it go this sadness. But i just cant. Oh God i dont knw what to do.  I shouldnt check his last seen. He must be having a cuddling dat with his new girl. The weather is really good to have a cuddle and movie. Just like what i always wanted to do with him. Its winter and it was raining in the morning. Perfect weather to cuddle and kissing each other. Thats why he doesn’t check his mobile just like when he used to be with me. He never touch his mobile cause he just wanted to be with me and he just wanted to be busy with me.  I dont knw what i want now. I kinda want him back but i dont...

The idea of keep talking with him it just totally wrong. The more i talked the more i hurt. He doesnt even care now bout what i feel. Why should i keep telling him how hurt i am?? Maybe now hes enjoying his long weekends drinking with that girl. When im here just stand alone and watch the past in my mind and crying. Why does it hurt so bad? Why do i feel so sad?? I should have be okay by now. Its better that he is single and hes goin out with someone than im still with him but he goes with her ya? Both of it just hurt somehow :((( Why u have to do this?? When i get thru this?? When i will have my normal feeling toward him? Im so stressed. 

Is it normal if sometime the thought of him cross my mind for few mins? And i feel like wanna text him that i miss him or i feel like regret why i let him go?🙁 I hate this feeling. I really do.  And hate the fact that he thinks that i just overthink and connect the wrong link when i got the prove already. Anywaaaayyy it doesn’t matter anymore. Im not looking for short term relationship. Thats why i loved him so much causw he told me that he wanted the long term relationship. But he changed his mind, so I should not be so regret to leave me ya? But i still miss him. Or maybe i just miss the idea of him? 🙁🙁🙁 As my mom said “dunia itu tidak sekecil daun kelor, sayang” its right too. I should get put from my small circle and try to meet new people and trying to get new life. Even he did it before i left him. Partying with bunch of girls when he said he went with his colleagues and all of them were guys.  Khalas. I dnt want to recall it anymore. Ppl does mistakes. I did...

It just a stupid decision trying to get him back. When he definitely wont change his mind. “I want you back, but i will not take you back” Its clearly showing that he rejected me. YES! Rejected me. I should wake up and build my own life even tho its hard to start. Its true that i still love him, and hes my world. But now hes gone and even dont want you anymore. Time to head up and time to make urself happy without anyone, utarry. Get what u havent got it. Travel to jordan maybe for next year? Yes will do! Or maybe go to egypt and see the pyramids and riding the cute camel :33 Hmm should thank him for making me better person. For making me love gym than my bed. For making me more honest bout my feeling. Ill try to let go everything. Its hard. But u dont want me anymore. Well.. i might update bout the sad thingy in the next blog, but i wish i could get rid of it soon. I wont think bout the thingy that still bothering me till now and u still not answer it clearly. But i let it go....

Relieved, but regret. Maybe theres no turning back. I dnt know yet. I feel horrible as the day goes by. I missed him even more. I regret tbat i said that i want to leave him. I want him back. I still need him and i still want him. Hes my everything 😭😭😭😭😭😢 itrs true that I decided it. Or maybe it just my ego, then now he hates me even more cause i did stupid things. Or maybe he feel good cause now none will check2 look2 at him to talk with any girls. I dnt knw which side he is. But i do miss him. I still want you back! Its harder than I thought

Its funny when i just need explaination and its me who get blame.

Sudah 2 hari sabtu berturut-turut ikutan lari 10 kilo. Dan sudah  beberapa minggu persiapan buat ikutan lomba lari 10k. Sudah beberapa kilo meter dilalui. Dari cuman lari 4 kilo dengan napas engap sampe sekarang yang udah bisa lari 8k dan rasanya masih mau lari lagi. Memulai kembali  kebiasaan lari beberapa tahun yang lalu itu ga gampang. Susah banget. Apa lagi udah bertahun-tahun meninggalkan kebiasaan tersebut.  Dari perjuangan bangun pagi, perjuangan ganti baju dan ngumpulin niat buat lari itu ga gampang. Dari yang awalnya males-malesan, sampe sekarang yang merasa bersalah kalo ga olahraga satu hari aja. Dari yang awalnya suka banget makan roti dan sekarang harus mengurangi bahkan ga makan sama sekali yang namanya tepung, nasi atau segala bentuk karbohidrat.  Jujur, saat ini udah hilang asa untuk melanjutkan kebiasaan sehat. Bosan rasanya. Tiap hari gemas rasanya ingin makan roti dan segala jenis pencuci mulut. Tapi kalo diingat-ingat lagi, udah setengah jal...

Hati tahu kok apa yang dia benar benar ingin kan. Ketika kedua hati mau memaafkan, menerima masa lalu dan ingin memulai dari awal lagi, kesempatan kedua bisa untuk dicoba kembali. Seperti yang selalu mereka katakan, jika kamu dan dia ditakdirkan untuk bersama, seberapa jauh kalian berpisah gravitasi diantara kita mencari cara sendiri untuk menyatukan kita dengan cara yang kita tidak duga-duga. Mungkin itu ada benarnya. Seberapa hebat kita bertengkar, hati ini selalu rindu dan memaafkan. Ego kita tak sebesar rasa sayang yang kita miliki.  Aku tidak bisa janji kalau hubungan kita tidak akan susah tapi aku akan mencoba sesulit apa pun itu. Aku tidak bisa janji kalau kita tidak akan berargumen, tapi aku akan berusaha untuk berjuang demi hubungan kita meskipun apapun yang terjadi. Aku tidak bisa janji kalau hubungan kita akan selalu indah, tapi aku akan melakukan yang terbaik agar kita selalu memiliki hari-hari yang lebih baik. The truth is, I cant promise you anything. ...

You are not alone You are strong You can fight You are loved You are fine You are good We are here for you We love you We fight together  We want you  We need you Please be strong for us, Mom. ☹️☹️☹️ its been hard years. But we believe that youll recover soon. We might live in different countries but my heart, my prayers, my mind still on you. We love you. We still want to taste ur food. We still want to hear your jokes. We still want to travel with you like we used to.  Im sad knowing that you feel like you give up. Please be strong for the next couple months. Ill see u soon. We will go shopping together like before.  I know i never say this word before to you, i love you Mimine. Please be strong!  I miss you so much. I wanna go home.

Im on my break period with my boyfriend. Been few days but i cant help myself not to talk to him even i try not to talk just like how the break period supposed to be. Well i never been in break period tbh. Most of the time i just end up the relationship cause i ddnt really care. But this time i just wanna to make it different. I love him so mhch and i dont wanna lose him. Soo here i am in my break period. Its nt i take it cause i dnt want to be around him. Im dying to spend my day and my night with him. Even just to have movie nights or ordering the food or just cuddling with him. I take this decision to clear up my mind and think better bout everything. Well itsnt our first time to fight, we fight alot. But this time just different. So many things just came in the same time so i choose to be alone and calm myself and try to make myself better for him. I went to the runfie community, i went to the mall alone and j went to meet my bestfriend and chill with her and stayed up with he...

I dont know what i should do in my life tbh. Seems like all the bad things happen in one time. Since i went to Indonesia, i feel like everything is different. My mood swing, difficulty of sleep, loosing my appetite and feeling sad. I never been this sad leaving my family. I was sad whenever i went back to the place where i work, but this time just so different. I was super happy cause im goin to see my boyfriend here but seeing my mom in her worse condition just made my heart broken. Yes. She is sick. Shes been sick for like 3 years i guess. But the last time i visited her was on February and she was fine. She was better than before. But this time, she just look so weak, she loses alot of weight :( all i can see is her bone. She doesnt want to eat properly. Im sad. And i dont knw why, i just felt like my boyfriend kinda hate me so much when i meed him the most. I need him to understand me and i thought he will understand when i was busy there or when i had my mood swing cause of my ...