D+4

I thought that im getting better after 4 days. But itsnt. Im getting worse. I dont knw, since last night i just feel so weak. Even this morning, i woke up and i cried. I went to the gym, but i cant help it and cried. All his words and all the memories just flash back in my mind, about how he treated me and how he used to say all thosw sweet words. It hurts alot.
I think to get some ciggy to let it go this sadness. But i just cant. Oh God i dont knw what to do. 
I shouldnt check his last seen. He must be having a cuddling dat with his new girl. The weather is really good to have a cuddle and movie. Just like what i always wanted to do with him. Its winter and it was raining in the morning. Perfect weather to cuddle and kissing each other. Thats why he doesn’t check his mobile just like when he used to be with me. He never touch his mobile cause he just wanted to be with me and he just wanted to be busy with me. 
I dont knw what i want now. I kinda want him back but i dont want him back either. He hurts me alot. He makes me suffering like this. But i love him 😢😢😢
I should accept that hesnt mine anymore. I know that i should wake up and dont mind his business anymore. I shouldnt care boyt what hes doin now. I shouldnt care bout with whom he is now. But i just cant stop thinking bout it.
What makes me sad is im so disappointed with him. Disappointed bout what he did to me it’s totally different with what he said. It’s torturing me. He lied. He cheated. He hates lie and i hate cheating. And he did it both 😢😢😢😢 i trusted him so much and he misused it. But i just feel sad. I just wanna cry. Even cry doesnt solve anything, but... thats all i can do. 

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