Woop-Woop Adventure!

Thankyou for the little surprise that u made for me. I really love it. You shows me that u do love me and none else matter for you. Im 

Till now i still cant understand why u cheated on me. U never want to discuss bout it. U never want to answer all of my questions. And u never help me to rebuild my trust on u. I cant work alone. U need to help me! Rebuilding trust doesn’t come in one night! Itsnt my fault that i dont trust you anymore. Its you who made it everything become worse. I can say that im tired with you too. Im tired to keep thinking that u text her or calling her or just like happened now u might have a romantic walk with her. Hmm ill not do any effort anymore. Im tired tbh. Im tired to be the only one who still trying to make this work when itsnt me who lied and cheated on me. Our relationship was like too good to be true. Like seriously. I dont knw why it has to face this kind of situation.

Maybe alot of people think that im so stupid and so weak. But the truth is im still in love with him and i still wanna be with him and i believe that he loves me too. I make mistakes and he makes it too. No body perfect. All i know loce is not something to exchange. Theres no take and give. Its just unfair if i do good things to him and i want it in return. Itsnt pure love. Im leaving kuwait for goods. Im going to leave him in the next 3 months. Im feeling sad tbh. But my family, especially my mom needs me by her side. I want to be selfish but my heart says i cNt be like this. I love him and i love my mom too. Its so hard for me. I dont wanna lose them. I know i know, mazen might not my the one, but my mom will always be my mom. But if u r in this position ull have the same difficulty like me 😔😔😭😭😭😭 I never feel this in love to someone before, willing to do anything just to make him happy and im happy just to get his hugs as a reward. Silly ya? 😢 ill talk to him tonight. Ill...

Maybe its the time that i really need lose all the expectation from him. I dont feel like hes into me like before. I tried to believe every word he said but it just useless. Hes so cold lately. He will not text me if i dont text him. Well i dont mind to do it :( but everyday? Yea after we broke up, couple days later we both confessed that we still in love each other. Maybe we are getting back. But the more i stay with him, the more i feel like hes just different. And my mom problem makes me wanna go home and makes me sad cause it means im goin to drop all my career and also him. I dnt wanna lose him again. But if the condition is just like this, i think it will be easy for me. I dnt have to think bout him anymore. I could just be selfish. I dont know anymore bout him. I wanna postponed all the talk untill i found the right moment, like hes super busy lately and i work by 3 oclock everyday. When im home hes sleeping. I cant have the proper time to talk bout it. And when i got proper ...

☹️ i Just came to work, and i chopped the vegetables for my mise en place. Not longer after, i got a phone call. I thought it was from mazen but it was from my dad. Tbh i just got a feeling that it might be not good news.  And its true ☹️☹️☹️☹️ Its about her. His love of his life. His everything. Mimi.  He never tell me bout this kind of things actually, like when i was in dubai my mom was hospitalized for few days and he ddnt tell me. But this time js different. He cant tell to amanda, since she just move to china to start her new job and he cant beby cause she got exams. And the only daughter whos been far away from home for almost 3 years is only me :((( he told me with the very calm voice. I bet its so difficult to control it.  He asked me to go home, since my mom is getting worse. She cant do anything just resting on bed. My heart just pain. It hurts. It hurts more that when i broke up with mazen :((( i wanna go home. I want mazen to calm me down. I dnt know wh...

I talked with him yesterday after i slept-over at his place on Saturday. Well it was really wrong decision i guess. All the talks, the open up and everything :( it just made me want him more and expect him to come back to me. “I dont want tomorrow come” i said. He said “why?” “I want us just like how we r now. I dnt knw what will happen tomorrow. Things will be change after we woke up” I answered. He just silent and continued watching movie. And it was right. Nothing really different tbh at morning till night. Yes till night i closed my kitchen. We were talking bout our plan. That i wanted to stay over on Monday night since Tuesday i have my off. But then he told me that i shouldnt come at all to his place, we meet outside and he will pick me up. I freezed, stared at my mobile, i feel my eyes watery :( and suddenly i just remembered the tragedy of 30th of Oct. which he lied to me. So i linked this one with the 30th of oct. i ignore him. I disappointed. I dnt knw what to say. Then ...

Spent my off alone wasnt good idea. I thought I wouldnt cry and be so depressed. Yesterday i spent my off alone reading book in my favorite sbux. I decided to go to this mall cause I planned to watch the movie after. Bt it went not as a plan. I just kept crying and i texted him. I shouldnt text him but i just missed him so much :(( then when i was about to leave, i saw the table which the table that we sat for the first time. So i became more gloomy i spent sometime there, recalled everything and cried. I ddnt notice from where, suddenly theres was a guy came and sat in the same table with me. I said to him that i ddnt wanna talk, i just wanna be alone. But he kept on talking trying to distract me, but he couldn’t. Hes not him who can distract my mind just like that :((( i dont knw if texted mazen that there was random guy sat with me was good idea. He became more worried and kept texting and calling me. And i was so confused that time, i wanna text him but this guy keep talking. I j...

This is not right 😔 i keep wishing he was still here and still mine. My first off without him after 7 months together. Its sad. And next week i got my extra off on Tuesday. I can take him to my restaurant and had romantic dinner if we were still together. But everything is different 😢 Utarry must strong even tho he is my weakness. And last night I dreamt bout him. We went to some kind of Indonesian event, we were together but somehow i lost him in the crowd. Even my dream telling me that hes gone forever and never come back to me. WAKE UP UTARY!!! Mba tylla said, “never be with someone that choose u over someone and never ask someone who never wants to be with you”  its right. He rejected me twice. I shouldnt hope that he will come back to me. Sooner or later i need to move one ya? ☹️ Ohya, ill get my new piercing by today! So excited but scared too. Ahh what if im fainted after i got the pierced??? And i need to dig into my coins collection to get 250fils wakakaka yes, i dnt...

Why it has to be happen??? Why??? I really love him but hes mean 😭😭😭😭😭 I cant hold it anymore. Oh God, ive been crying for a day. And i dont knw when it will be end 😢😢😢😢 hes so mean to me! I wish i dont love him this much. And im sitting at the park, crying over him. Ita cold outside none to hold. I miss him. I miss him so much 😢😢😢😢😢 but it just sad imagine him with someone now. Hold me the way he used to hold me, the way he talked to me, the way he kissed me and cuddled me everynighy. I dont want it 😭😭😭😭😢😢 i atill want to call him mine! He is mine! 😢😢😂 but hea gone. And he doesnt knw how it hurts me. He probably move on and maybe he will go out with another girl. I cant do it anymore. 

I thought that im getting better after 4 days. But itsnt. Im getting worse. I dont knw, since last night i just feel so weak. Even this morning, i woke up and i cried. I went to the gym, but i cant help it and cried. All his words and all the memories just flash back in my mind, about how he treated me and how he used to say all thosw sweet words. It hurts alot. I think to get some ciggy to let it go this sadness. But i just cant. Oh God i dont knw what to do.  I shouldnt check his last seen. He must be having a cuddling dat with his new girl. The weather is really good to have a cuddle and movie. Just like what i always wanted to do with him. Its winter and it was raining in the morning. Perfect weather to cuddle and kissing each other. Thats why he doesn’t check his mobile just like when he used to be with me. He never touch his mobile cause he just wanted to be with me and he just wanted to be busy with me.  I dont knw what i want now. I kinda want him back but i dont...

The idea of keep talking with him it just totally wrong. The more i talked the more i hurt. He doesnt even care now bout what i feel. Why should i keep telling him how hurt i am?? Maybe now hes enjoying his long weekends drinking with that girl. When im here just stand alone and watch the past in my mind and crying. Why does it hurt so bad? Why do i feel so sad?? I should have be okay by now. Its better that he is single and hes goin out with someone than im still with him but he goes with her ya? Both of it just hurt somehow :((( Why u have to do this?? When i get thru this?? When i will have my normal feeling toward him? Im so stressed. 

Is it normal if sometime the thought of him cross my mind for few mins? And i feel like wanna text him that i miss him or i feel like regret why i let him go?🙁 I hate this feeling. I really do.  And hate the fact that he thinks that i just overthink and connect the wrong link when i got the prove already. Anywaaaayyy it doesn’t matter anymore. Im not looking for short term relationship. Thats why i loved him so much causw he told me that he wanted the long term relationship. But he changed his mind, so I should not be so regret to leave me ya? But i still miss him. Or maybe i just miss the idea of him? 🙁🙁🙁 As my mom said “dunia itu tidak sekecil daun kelor, sayang” its right too. I should get put from my small circle and try to meet new people and trying to get new life. Even he did it before i left him. Partying with bunch of girls when he said he went with his colleagues and all of them were guys.  Khalas. I dnt want to recall it anymore. Ppl does mistakes. I did...

It just a stupid decision trying to get him back. When he definitely wont change his mind. “I want you back, but i will not take you back” Its clearly showing that he rejected me. YES! Rejected me. I should wake up and build my own life even tho its hard to start. Its true that i still love him, and hes my world. But now hes gone and even dont want you anymore. Time to head up and time to make urself happy without anyone, utarry. Get what u havent got it. Travel to jordan maybe for next year? Yes will do! Or maybe go to egypt and see the pyramids and riding the cute camel :33 Hmm should thank him for making me better person. For making me love gym than my bed. For making me more honest bout my feeling. Ill try to let go everything. Its hard. But u dont want me anymore. Well.. i might update bout the sad thingy in the next blog, but i wish i could get rid of it soon. I wont think bout the thingy that still bothering me till now and u still not answer it clearly. But i let it go....

Relieved, but regret. Maybe theres no turning back. I dnt know yet. I feel horrible as the day goes by. I missed him even more. I regret tbat i said that i want to leave him. I want him back. I still need him and i still want him. Hes my everything 😭😭😭😭😭😢 itrs true that I decided it. Or maybe it just my ego, then now he hates me even more cause i did stupid things. Or maybe he feel good cause now none will check2 look2 at him to talk with any girls. I dnt knw which side he is. But i do miss him. I still want you back! Its harder than I thought

Its funny when i just need explaination and its me who get blame.

Sudah 2 hari sabtu berturut-turut ikutan lari 10 kilo. Dan sudah  beberapa minggu persiapan buat ikutan lomba lari 10k. Sudah beberapa kilo meter dilalui. Dari cuman lari 4 kilo dengan napas engap sampe sekarang yang udah bisa lari 8k dan rasanya masih mau lari lagi. Memulai kembali  kebiasaan lari beberapa tahun yang lalu itu ga gampang. Susah banget. Apa lagi udah bertahun-tahun meninggalkan kebiasaan tersebut.  Dari perjuangan bangun pagi, perjuangan ganti baju dan ngumpulin niat buat lari itu ga gampang. Dari yang awalnya males-malesan, sampe sekarang yang merasa bersalah kalo ga olahraga satu hari aja. Dari yang awalnya suka banget makan roti dan sekarang harus mengurangi bahkan ga makan sama sekali yang namanya tepung, nasi atau segala bentuk karbohidrat.  Jujur, saat ini udah hilang asa untuk melanjutkan kebiasaan sehat. Bosan rasanya. Tiap hari gemas rasanya ingin makan roti dan segala jenis pencuci mulut. Tapi kalo diingat-ingat lagi, udah setengah jal...

Hati tahu kok apa yang dia benar benar ingin kan. Ketika kedua hati mau memaafkan, menerima masa lalu dan ingin memulai dari awal lagi, kesempatan kedua bisa untuk dicoba kembali. Seperti yang selalu mereka katakan, jika kamu dan dia ditakdirkan untuk bersama, seberapa jauh kalian berpisah gravitasi diantara kita mencari cara sendiri untuk menyatukan kita dengan cara yang kita tidak duga-duga. Mungkin itu ada benarnya. Seberapa hebat kita bertengkar, hati ini selalu rindu dan memaafkan. Ego kita tak sebesar rasa sayang yang kita miliki.  Aku tidak bisa janji kalau hubungan kita tidak akan susah tapi aku akan mencoba sesulit apa pun itu. Aku tidak bisa janji kalau kita tidak akan berargumen, tapi aku akan berusaha untuk berjuang demi hubungan kita meskipun apapun yang terjadi. Aku tidak bisa janji kalau hubungan kita akan selalu indah, tapi aku akan melakukan yang terbaik agar kita selalu memiliki hari-hari yang lebih baik. The truth is, I cant promise you anything. ...

You are not alone You are strong You can fight You are loved You are fine You are good We are here for you We love you We fight together  We want you  We need you Please be strong for us, Mom. ☹️☹️☹️ its been hard years. But we believe that youll recover soon. We might live in different countries but my heart, my prayers, my mind still on you. We love you. We still want to taste ur food. We still want to hear your jokes. We still want to travel with you like we used to.  Im sad knowing that you feel like you give up. Please be strong for the next couple months. Ill see u soon. We will go shopping together like before.  I know i never say this word before to you, i love you Mimine. Please be strong!  I miss you so much. I wanna go home.

Im on my break period with my boyfriend. Been few days but i cant help myself not to talk to him even i try not to talk just like how the break period supposed to be. Well i never been in break period tbh. Most of the time i just end up the relationship cause i ddnt really care. But this time i just wanna to make it different. I love him so mhch and i dont wanna lose him. Soo here i am in my break period. Its nt i take it cause i dnt want to be around him. Im dying to spend my day and my night with him. Even just to have movie nights or ordering the food or just cuddling with him. I take this decision to clear up my mind and think better bout everything. Well itsnt our first time to fight, we fight alot. But this time just different. So many things just came in the same time so i choose to be alone and calm myself and try to make myself better for him. I went to the runfie community, i went to the mall alone and j went to meet my bestfriend and chill with her and stayed up with he...

I dont know what i should do in my life tbh. Seems like all the bad things happen in one time. Since i went to Indonesia, i feel like everything is different. My mood swing, difficulty of sleep, loosing my appetite and feeling sad. I never been this sad leaving my family. I was sad whenever i went back to the place where i work, but this time just so different. I was super happy cause im goin to see my boyfriend here but seeing my mom in her worse condition just made my heart broken. Yes. She is sick. Shes been sick for like 3 years i guess. But the last time i visited her was on February and she was fine. She was better than before. But this time, she just look so weak, she loses alot of weight :( all i can see is her bone. She doesnt want to eat properly. Im sad. And i dont knw why, i just felt like my boyfriend kinda hate me so much when i meed him the most. I need him to understand me and i thought he will understand when i was busy there or when i had my mood swing cause of my ...

To : The guy who always makes me happy, Mazen. Im not a really good in talking and i bet you know it. It isnt that i dont love you enough, it just me who always feels the butterflies in my tummy whenever i want to say something cute bout you and bout us. I do try, but let me write some words to make you understand that you are different from all the rest; You are different from all the rest. Theres no other like you. You always know when im feeling down. I think, it does bother you when im so torn up inside. And thats why u always try to put the smile on my face with ur laughter. I love that about you. You really care about me. What matters to you is my happiness. You are my protector. You always want to protect me and make me safe no matter what it takes. When i need someone to get my back, i can depend on you. You are my special guy that God sent. You complete me. You make me fall and u catch me with your comfortable warm arms. And it was a fate that we met. Eight months ...

I thought id be fine after my break-up. I thought i could be more focus with what im doing, i could be more stronger than i was. But i cant. The days went by, i still felt the same. Broken. Hurt. And regret. I really wish thatni could invent the time machine, so I would not do the stupid thing that i did. I still want him. I still want us. I still love you. I cant help myself. I keep crying during the day and night. Even at work, i still remember him. How i used to get text from him in the morning, text him after i woke up, text him for what i was doing, text him to let him know that i miss him or just to annoy him. I try to be strong but i cant. Hes my weakness. I never been like this before. And it hurts me alot when he told me that he wanted to block me and he said its better for me not to text him. Im falling to pieces. How could he say it :(((( when my world revolves around him. When hes my air and I suppose to breathe with my air :(((( all i can say.. “okay...” but im not ok...

yes. I think you can tel why the caption is "this is the end". I broke up with my sunshine. I never thought my perfect relationship will end up like this. Tragic? Yes. I think its true that i always have bad romance. It started with little fight. Well.. i ddnt know what made him really pissed off. We were just talking bout something, like he asked me question. I ddnt realize that my opinion made him so pissed off. I know that something wasnt right. So i asked him and tried to break the ice. Hes a straight forward person. But i dont knw why lately he kept doing like me. Told me that everything was okay. So I continued to watch Friends series. stupid me, knowing that he wasn't okay, i kept continuing to watch it. Until 3 episodes. So I asked him and he was really mad at me. I was shocked! Like i ddnt do anything to him. And he said all whats on his head. And said that it was too late for me to say sorry and to made him feel better. Short-long story... it was sad day for ...

YAY! finally i got my instax. wakakaka. i dont know why suddenly i just wanna get new instax since couple weeks ago. i didnt see any video or pic that influence me to get one, but i just wanna have it!!!! i thought that i wouldnt buy this thing since i dont really need it, and the feeling of craving to take picture with it would go away.  but.. i was wrong. i kept on checking the website, and checking the price and if there was promo for it. call it lucky or unlucky, but yes! they do have promo. its included with the bag, the film itself, the camera and the album. ahh and the color just so cute. i wanted the yellow one. well it costs around 30kd for the not really latest version one. so i was aiming for that camera. the days went by... the thought of it still there and it just made me really want it, i just scared that the deals would go. so i decided to go to the mall and check check look look the camera. and when i was there in the shop. OMG! the color just more cut...

I dont know why, but lately i just feel like i really wanna jog these days. since my boyfriend has long off days, so sometime i woke up late and dont go to gym cause i wake up late too. and i feel bit guilty to be honest. so i really really wanna jog or doing some exercise after work. But unfortunately, my gym closed 1 am when i reach home around 12:30ish. so its defo impossible for me to go to gym after work. the only choice that i have is.... jogging outside :O and my boyfriend doesnt allow me to jog alone either. sooo.. since tonight is the last night for my boyfriend to stay up, i force him to jog with me when he is  sloth mode. wakakaka. i think he loves me so much so even tho its so hard and difficult to move his ass from the bed. finally, he gets up and dress up! (YAY! Behabek Habibi) we jog in the sea side close by his apartment. the weather is nice not humid at all. whatta perfect night! yay! we jogged for like 3 miles (based on Nike app that i have on my ipod) it was...

Eid Mubarak! Today is Eid Adha! But i ddnt go for the prayer thingy, cause i woke up late 😭😭 Was hang out with my boyfriend and his friend till 3 am in the morning. Nothing really special today. My restaurant suppose to be super busy today, but its just like normal day. I prepared for everything just incase it was busy and the "sounds fancy" dish came from the order paper. I hate it cause there were 2 table, and they came late wheeenn my restaurant close already. Huhuhh. So sad, but we still accept them. Lucky there was no dessert, so i could close my kitchen. My boyfriend, Mazrn asked me alot of questions before i went to work. Start from who i super-like on tinder, why I did not super like him, why i swipe right for "those ppl" and alot of questions which is tricky and could make him fricking jealous. Anyway.. I answered him just like the reality and what in my thoughts Im so jelly with his work btw, he got 5 off days cause he works at the office, and ...

To; The man who loves me with all of his heart, Mazen. Thank you for perfectly handling my mood when im cranky or mad or weak. Always remember that its not about you. It could be the pressure from work or my mood swing. For throwing jokes to suddenly change how i feel. For distracting my mind by changing the topic of our talk. For making me laugh with your corny jokes. Thankyou for never giving up on me. i know Im very unreasonable sometime (or maybe all the time), not really knowing what i wanted, but you still stick with me. im very immature, but you didnt complain and you makes me better person instead. Thankyou for fulfill all of my wishlist. For bringing me food that im craving for even tho you dont want me to eat it cause it isnt healthy at all. For having long walks with me. For staying up just to listen to my day and talk to me.  Thankyou for never ending love that you always give and it never change since the first day we've been together. I couldnt thank you eno...

funny, how i still got butterflies on my tummy whenever i want to see him. i dont even understand why i still have this kind of feeling. the feeling like i have when i met him first time. i just met him couple days ago to celebrate his birthday. but somehow i just feel so nervous and clumsy this afternoon. okay, soo... we supposed to have our lunch date yesterday. i guess he was thinking i was joking that i really wanna have lunch together with him. even tho i finished my gym earlier. but he cancelled it just like that. so annoying. so he made up. he invited me to have a lunch date with him :3 i woke up so early in the morning. i think i was way too excited. wakakak. i woke up early just because i didnt want to miss my gym time. wakakak. then i went to see him. to be honest i kinda confused to choose which dress should i wear. wakakak even tho he sees me naked, but still somehow i was just nervous! so i chose to wear black dress + cardigans. i wanted to look girly for him bu...

ITS 11TH OF AUGUST! im so excited to celebrate his birthday with me. i made this plan looong time ago. and it was my first time, to arrange surprise birthday for someone special. and it went all good! :D started with 10th of Aug. since my working hours is kinda sucks, so i finished work around 12, which was already his birthday!  i was thinking his friends would come over to his place, and i wasnt the 1st person that he saw on his new age. huhuhu. i sent him a birthday text. and he didnt reply me, he slept i supposed. before went to his place, i went to Burger King nearby my working place. i got him a chocolate hersey cake, since he likes chocolate so much! and i took 2 candles from my restaurant :p hehe. i took a cab to his place. after i reached there, he was still sleeping. aaahh hes such a cute baby when he is sleeping. i unlocked and opened the door slowly so i wouldnt wake him up. succeed! he didnt wake up! :D i lighted up the candle and hugged him and said happy birth...

SATURDAAAAYYY!!! MY OFF!!! AND COUNTING THE DAYS TILL HE COMES BACK!!!! okay, im so excited that im goin to do my 1st tango class. they just opened the new session. its in the Palm hotel, next to Arabella complex restaurant. the fees was 7KD per session. well its abit expensive for me. by 7KD i could get 1 nail polish from my favorite shop, Inglot. well.. i planned long time ago, since his first day left me all alone in Kuwait, to make a surprise for him. soooo... after the tango class, i went to his place and cleaned up his room, so he can just rest after his loooongg journey :3  hope he liked it! he suppose to come back by 4th of July. and the only chance i have is only on saturday. i made the towel art too for him. it was my 1st anyway, and itsnt that bad. well.. i just hope that the towel stand still until he reached his place. i made some cards for him too :3 with some letter behind it. im not a romantic person, so it just normal msg for him but it was romantic enoug...

it just a normal working day for me. yea busy as hell. but its good, better than... nothing. it seems like you got nothing to do and your chef keeps on eyes on you and you have to do something when u got nothing to do. bleh. and somehow, the old song pop out in my head. do u knw the soundtrack of the movie named Pearl Harbour? yea! faith hill - there you'll be. ahhh my favorite movie and the song just so deep deep deep. i dont knw, its because of the movie or the song just way too romantic. but i do love both combination. and it leads to another old songs... hahaha. the syndrome of getting old i guess? and it just funny, i was so young and got no idea bout english and the love song. but i remember 70% of the lyric itself. and now im playing all the old songs from my childhood. like Westlife's songs, Backstreet boys's songs, and alot of old songs. it brings my childhood memories back <3 okay, im goin to download and sync to my ipod.

Im baaackkk again! after vaction from maldives... i have my 1st date with my Mazen the guy who i called brozer now i call him boyfriend. hehehe. today is saturday! its the time to meet my habibi, my sayang my macho man! hehe. after checking alot of site, there was one activity which i really wanted to do it. MOVIE AT THE PARK! so i asked him to come with me to "tick" another list on my list. heheh. and he agree to go with me. yay! it was held in al-sheed park, kuwait city. close by his office. we reached there around 5 or 6 oclock. i dont remember exactly the timing. but we walked around the park, we talked alot of things and we joked alot. i never tired to listen to his story and listen to his talking :) we sat to watch the dancing fountain. somehow just remind me of dubai, but its  more special, cause i watched it with him next to me. he didnt knw what i felt that time. i still got alot of butterflies in my tummy even after maldives. after asked so many guy bout the...

IM BAAAACKK!!! yes im back from Maldives! The country which every couple wish to visit there and see the clear crystal blue sea! went there for a week with my "Brozer" who no longer as my brozer 😝 yes! we r official now. i couldnt describe how sweet he is plus the romantic scene of Maldives. okay, lets get started bout the journey to Maldives, the country where i found my love 💜 18th of April; we had morning flight, around 10 if im not mistaken. we took flydubai anyway, cause we got promo and its cheap wakaka. we had a deal last night, that he suppose to come earlier than me cause he always late whenever we r goin to see each other. but... again he was late. well.. he late for 10 mins, i already enjoying my hot mocha from sbux. our flight got delay 😒 delay for an hour. ahh i forgot! the guy in the airport took my facial wash and another soap which was important for me. was so pissed off anyway. its already half bottle! im assure both of them was less than 100 ml. m...